I want to make a zoo with you.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
