u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
