im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
