hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
