Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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