Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
