Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
