I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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