The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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