i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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