Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
