Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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