i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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