My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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