I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
