I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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