the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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