Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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