Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
