Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
