Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
