If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize