I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
