Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
