Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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