so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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