All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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