shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
false alarm. still invincible.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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