I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
