He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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