Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
