I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
