I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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