Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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