I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
