I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
