I think im going to throw up on grandma
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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