Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well you can't waste a boner
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
