Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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