he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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