a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
