i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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