I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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