I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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