it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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