I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
