Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
