Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she smelled like a LAN party
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
