I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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