So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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