I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
