Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
