I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
