Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
