I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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