Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my phone needs a breathalizer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You ate ashes out of my bong
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
