peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
