All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
