It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
