On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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