John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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