ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
