you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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