Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
