well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's blow job season.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
