Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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