On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
