He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
