I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can't special order awesome
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
