the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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