I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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