So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
