i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
