how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
